Re-Envisioning Partnership: Building a Life Together Without Marriage

By Hallie Kraus, CFP®

Not every love story follows the same script. Some couples walk down the aisle; others never feel the need. Some choose the legal framework of domestic partnership, while others co-mingle lives and assets without ever signing a document. What matters is not whether you’ve exchanged vows in front of an officiant, but how you build a shared future and how you prepare for the realities that come with it.

In California, there are no “common law” marriages. Living together, even for decades, doesn’t create the same legal protections as marriage. The law recognizes domestic partnerships, but those, too, come with their own requirements and consequences, which means that if you’re building a life together outside of marriage, the details matter. How you hold assets, plan for emergencies, and design your long-term financial picture will shape not just your security, but also that of your partner.

This isn’t about reducing a relationship to paperwork. It’s about protecting the life you’re building, so the decisions you’ve made together aren’t left vulnerable to the default rules of the state.

The Myth of “Common Law” in California

Many people assume that living with a partner for a certain number of years automatically grants the same rights as marriage. In California, that’s not true. Unlike some states, California doesn’t recognize common law marriage. You don’t gain spousal rights simply by sharing a home, splitting bills, or introducing each other as husband or wife.

That means that without legal planning, you could find yourself without rights you may assume you have, such as making medical decisions for your partner, inheriting shared property, or accessing retirement accounts. For couples intentionally choosing not to marry, this gap can be unsettling, but it’s also an opportunity. By proactively making choices, you take control of the story, instead of leaving it to default laws that don’t fit your life.

Domestic Partnership: What It Covers (and What It Doesn’t)

California does recognize domestic partnerships, available to both same-sex and opposite-sex couples. Registering as domestic partners gives you many of the same state-level rights and responsibilities as marriage, including inheritance rights, hospital visitation, family health coverage, and more.

But there are key differences. Federal benefits (such as Social Security spousal benefits or favorable federal tax treatment) don’t automatically extend to domestic partners. And dissolving a domestic partnership can be just as complex, legally and financially, as divorce.

For some couples, a domestic partnership provides the right balance—legal recognition without the commitment of marriage. For others, it falls short. What matters is weighing the benefits against the trade-offs and then building your financial and estate planning accordingly.

Co-Mingling Without Legal Recognition

Some couples never put a ring on it or sign state papers. They build a life together anyway, from buying a house and raising a child to splitting the grocery bill and arguing about the thermostat. It looks and feels like partnership because it is partnership, whether or not there’s a certificate sitting in a drawer. For some, the choice not to marry is intentional, whether to avoid the so-called “marriage penalty” at tax time, protect a partner from existing debt, or simply keep finances more independent. The catch? Without legal recognition, the safeguards aren’t automatic, which means the planning has to be deliberate. Here, intentional planning becomes even more important.

A few key areas to consider:

• Property ownership: How the title is held (joint tenancy, tenants in common, or otherwise) determines what happens if one of you passes away. The default may not reflect your wishes.
• Beneficiary designations: Retirement accounts, insurance policies, and investment accounts don’t automatically pass to a partner without formal beneficiary designations. If you want your partner protected, you have to make it explicit.
• Estate planning documents: Wills, trusts, and powers of attorney are crucial. They give your partner the ability to make decisions, inherit assets, and manage affairs, rights the law doesn’t grant by default.
• Cash flow and taxes: Without joint filing status, couples often need creative strategies for managing cash flow, maximizing deductions, and planning for long-term goals.

It may feel like logistics, but it’s really agency. Writing it down, naming each other, is a way of saying this is ours, and this is how we want it to be.

The Heart of It: Purposeful Partnership

This isn’t about labels. It’s about aligning your financial decisions with the life you’re choosing to live together. Whether that means marriage (here’s a helpful guide to navigating financial planning before tying the knot), domestic partnership, or an entirely independent structure, the goal is the same: security, clarity, and the freedom to build a future on your terms.

What’s worth remembering is that avoiding decisions is still a decision. And it’s often the riskiest one. A lack of planning leaves partners vulnerable, not just legally, but emotionally, too. Because when the unexpected happens, the absence of clarity often adds strain to an already difficult moment.

Planning together, no matter the form your partnership takes, isn’t about fear, but about honoring the life you’re building, the risks you’re willing to shoulder, and the future you want to protect.

A Call to Action

Partnership takes many forms, but without a plan, even the strongest bond can be left exposed. At Treehouse Wealth Advisors, we know that financial planning isn’t one-size-fits-all. Whether you choose marriage, domestic partnership, or simply a life built side by side, we’ll help you put the right protections in place. Let’s start the conversation.